i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
