I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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