Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
