Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
