My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
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Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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