Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
