We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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