I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Are my feet made of real feet?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
