So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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