He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
this is an emotional support booty call
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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