dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
