mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
