I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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