Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
