the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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