My first STD was from a foam party
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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