i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We have started to decorate penises.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
