Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
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She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
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Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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