I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
