I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
