Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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