The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You're a waste of cheezeits
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
