Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
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I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
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You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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