I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
