sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
