remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
