Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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