I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
