Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
