Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
