dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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