Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
