My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
