I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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