someone get that fucking seahorse.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
