I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
