Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
