ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my shit smells like andre
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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