I CAN MOONWALK!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize