bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
