I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We left an ass print on the piano.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
