come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
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I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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