Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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