You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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