FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Let's paint friendship bongs
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Randomize
