am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
we're making bets on your personal life
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
