you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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