i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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