there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize