the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
