My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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