U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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