I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
