i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
