That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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