Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
