you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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