i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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