I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
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Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
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BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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