You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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