he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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