I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
