whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Randomize
