i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize