I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
