he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
