Whod you bang
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
